Wednesday, September 26, 2007

since when was the last time i went to a hospital. a very long time ago.... so long that i don remember the smell of the place, the people rushing in and out, people linning up to get their medicine. its been a long time since then... So long that i forgot why my ambition were to be a doctor when i was young.

Still remembering the time when i was so young i was so small and thin that everyone that see would say that how come i'm this thin and was even scare to carry me up for breka ing my bone. My fate when i was young was horrible i had to go to the hospital every 3 years to do some stiches. not that it is meant to be like that but coinsidently the accident happen every 3 years. Still remembering the time when i stay in the hospital for the whole entire 1 month for breaking my arm.

During the time there, i saw what i wanted to be... a pretty doctor that would help people off their suffering. to help people that is in need my help. i want to go to those places where there is lack of medical facilities and everything like that to help tho9se that in need of my help.... its been a long time since i went to a hospital..... its been a long time since i remember why that was my first ambition.

nevertheless i never stop at helping people and i was thinking in the start that if i cannot be a doctor i can study medicine and create medicine like that people would also need me and i can help alot of people to stay alive... slowly i realise that i'm not fit for any of those and then i come to my mind that i would want to be an engineer. but then i always ask myself. what can i do if i be an engineer i said:" i can help those udner develope country to bring them the benefit of modernisation." therefore i wanted to study that. slowly i went into form 6.... and i realise that i cannot be an engineer..... i ask myself why in the first place i wanted to be an engineer.... answer come out and then i wanted to be an accountant not because that is most appealing to me but cause my father as an accountant for many years would be able to help me in my future.

Today once again i step in to the hospital smell the medicine smell, see the people rushing away to get all the help they can get and once again i realise my ambition when i was young. this is what had motivated me to be a doctor. but now... i'm studying accountancy what can i do to help people..... what can i do.......

All this years i had slowly forgot what i want to be and the reason why i had that ambition.... slowly it had been wash away by the fact that i'm not smart enough in one way or another and also the fact that i need alot of money in the fuiture to keep me surviving. And slowly my wish of being who i want to be when i was young got wash away........ |